Location: Oregon, United States

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The Fear Factor

William is not better. In fact, he has lost at least two more pounds since Friday and has developed a low-grade fever. Yesterday, we got the results back from the tests they had run. There is no indication of a bacterial infection, viral infection or parasite. Half the tests indicate there is inflammation while the other half indicate there is none. The short of it is there is no easy answer and we will need to run more tests. Meanwhile, it feels like I am watching William just wasting away.

I have read several places that when we undergo stress or are subjected to trauma, our brains tend to revert to the fight or flight response, or reptilian brain. It is as though our brains withdraw into themselves and focus only on survival. I feel like I am physically experiencing this process. It is as though my brain is creating a partial vacuum and I can feel the strain in the muscles of my face.

Paul can feel it, too. He needs to fight what ever it is, but we sit here not knowing what it is that's bothering William. We need an enemy with a name. We need something to fight.

The doctor called today. She has ordered more stool samples and blood work and is referring us to a pediatric gastroenterologist. She also decides to allow William to eat dairy again. He eats better and feels much better. I can feel the tension leaving again because we are moving forward and William is doing so much better. He comes with me to run a couple of errands, happy to be out again. But by late afternoon, he is obviously running out of fuel. By 7 p.m., he is running a fever of 102.

So, please continue to pray for all of us. There are too many things that it could be - some minor, some serious, some just a hassle. We need patience for the process, grace for William who continues to be a trooper, and wisdom for when to do something different.


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